Winter Grass

I told Steve today.

It was harder than I had imagined it would be. Talking to MacKenzie convinced me that I needed to tell him before he heard it from someone else. After the time spent together, it would have been far worse to hear it through gossip than by my own mouth.

So I told him, after not hearing from in a month, which was hard too, but something I had come to be okay with as part of the process. I din't hardly expect to hear from him at all, and when he did reply I was surprised, struck by how distant it was. I'm reading too much into it, after all I did deliver some not-so-savory news.

The hardest part for me had always been the loss of a friend. Not only did someone get hurt, but a connection was lost. Mario and I prove that after time, exes can be cordial and friendly and exist within the same circles, but it's not like we go out of the way to talk to one another. We once were part of each other's lives, and that time has passed. Noah will likely be one that I don't see or speak to again, and perhaps that hurts worse than the rest because how can you go from something so great to nothing at all?

Time will tell if Steve and I can exist in the same circles. We have some of the same friends, we will soon work for the same company once again, it's not as if it will be impossible to hear our names or of our comings and goings.

The text and the reply brought everything back to the surface, after this silent month of moving forward and hoping for the best, I hear from him. He wasn't just a figment of my imagination, but someone who is real and exists not only in a world I once knew, but in a world that I live in too.

I am sad. Sad for the lost moments, for the forgotten friends. Sad for the ending.