It's like we have these little pockets of time where we are real. One month here, a weekend there...and it's hard. Please don't misunderstand, because knowing I'll get to talk to you and I'll get to hear your voice on the other end of the phone is what gets me through the day. I mean that the distance is so hard emotionally, and it's tough on our relationship too. I wish that we had time to be together now, because I'm worried that all of this distance and time spent apart is going to force the relationship to be old and mature long before it needed to. I want us to be able to date and be silly and flirty and have fun together and not be so burdened by something like 1200 miles between us.
I want this to be real. It would break my heart if we got burned out while we were still apart, because it just wouldn't be fair. I don't want us to live through an entire relationship in a few months time and through a few thousand text messages. I wish there had been more time for me to be there with you, for us to be together, because I want this to be real. I want to go on cute dates to fancy dinner(or even just Steak and Shake), and I want to walk around Rollins just because. I want to go to the grocery store and buy stuff to make dinner together, I want to go tour a winery. I want to go see the sunset with you more than once, and I want to sit around and watch a ballgame with you. I want us to have the chance to be real...and here's where you're going to tell me to stop borrowing worry from the future, but I need to say it anyway.
When I come back, because I do still plan on coming back, I wonder how this is going to work. It was easy when I only had 2 weeks left and worked at the same place you did, and it was easy to forego sleep for a few days because I was only around for that long, but what happens when I'm on the day shift and you're not? When I don't get a Friday or Saturday off regularly? When we can't find time to be together and do those things even when we're only 30 miles apart. Again, I'm aware that that is an issue for further down the road, but then again, it may be closer than you imagine. I'm worried that we're going to have too many obstacles, that THIS is the easy part, being halfway across the country from one another.
You mean so much to me, and I have no plans of walking away. I'm a person who plans and who looks way too far into the future, probably. So for me, looking is scary right now, because while I'm confident in us and this connection that we have, and while I want so badly to just be near you, I know that the circumstances outside of our control are not in our favor. It's easy to exist within a hotel room over 48 hours, or from 1am-4am for 2 weeks, but I just don't know how to make it work, how to make it real, when we're bound to be on opposite schedules and with no place of our own- mine or yours. I know I'm borrowing from the future, trust me I'm aware. And it's not something that sits on my mind all the time, just these last couple days I've been thinking about it. I'm worried for us, and I can't really just turn that off.
