And the days go by, I can feel 'em flying like a hand out the window as the cars go by.
It is May already. I feel like the first few months of the year always go by quickly, because what else is going on, right? There's not really a big holiday to look forward to and the Winter days just bleed one into the other.
But now it's May, Spring is here in full, and I somehow have no idea where the first entire quarter of my year went. I know that time is arbitrary, that my new year could start in July if I wanted it to, so in that regard only two more months until we start fresh!
I want to do things. I want to garden, but it's a little too early for that. I want to go see friends, but it's still a little sketchy to be doing that very often. Not to mention the fact that I don't have many friends who live close anymore. I want to write, but I always seem to have other things to do first and I don't have an office space I can set myself up in. I want to craft, but it seems like I've already spent too much money on a dozen half finished projects.
I don't feel great about myself lately, I feel sad and lonely. I feel frustrated. I work all week to get to my weekend and then I end up just catching up on chores or running errands or sitting around all day because I'm exhausted from the work week and then it's Sunday night at 9pm and I need to go to bed and I haven't done a damn thing I wanted to do yet again. An endless cycle, days flying past with no meaning, no importance.
I need to find a way to sustain my own motivation and positivity outside of the factors around me. If Kenny is having a bad day, I need to be able to still find a way to get things done that I want to work on without getting dragged down into a depression. I need to be able to encourage him and not have it effect my mood. I need to be able to have a bad day at work and leave it behind.
I am working my way toward 28 and I don't really know what I'm working toward anymore. Maybe promotions at my job? Maybe getting married? Owning a home? I don't know. I've finished college, I have a full time job. Anything is an option, but I just sit here and I let the days go by, wishing for more, but not really knowing what "more" is.
