Letting Go

I tried to rescue a bird today. I found her in the middle of my street when I was returning from an evening walk. I thought she might have a broken wing or something along those lines, but it turned out that the poor thing had had its eyes pecked out. Big sores covered her face where he eyes would have been and a large blood blister was on her beak. The bird was sitting smack in the middle of the road and I couldn't just leave her there to be hit by a car, so I went and got a shoe box and cut some holes in the top. I laid a paper towel in the bottom and I went out and retrieved her. She didn't want anything to do with me, and I'm not surprised. She wouldn't have been able to tell if I was there to harm her or help her; she couldn't see and I don't even know if she could hear. I went to a pet store near my home and bought an eyedropper thinking that maybe I could get her some water at least, but when I tried to use it on her, she wouldn't even open her beak. She was frightened and stressed and I couldn't bear to keep the helpless bird trapped in a shoebox for the rest of what will probably be a short life. I took her down to the overgrown vegetable garden in our back yard and set her free just on the edge of it. It only took a moment, but she soon hopped away into the bushes and I couldn't see her anymore.

I can sit here and hope that that bird will learn to survive with no eyes and a very small range of flight, but I know better. All I wish for is that she doesn't suffer long, that she may be put out of her misery quickly. I wanted to save this bird today. I wanted that win, because for whatever reason it feels like it's been a while. I wanted to be there for her, to fix her, but I had to let her go because a life in captivity is no life for a bird who's only ever known freedom. My day involved a little more drama than just the bird excitement, and I'm thinking that through both situations, God is teaching me a little about letting go. About being okay with not being able to fix everything. Because maybe I'm a little like that bird. I may be beat up, but with God, I've only ever known peace and freedom, and being confined and held captive by sin and the illusion that I have to power to fix things is just a joke. God is in control; God has the power; God is freedom from all of the pain and sin. God just is.

I Kind of Hate the Phrase...

..."Actions speak louder than words." Ok, yeah. I get it. Put your money where your mouth is. Don't say something without backing it up. Faith without works is dead. But really, we have to remember that this phrase contains two key things: actions AND words. If you're running around doing things but you've never said the words that make the actions important, the actions won't have meaning. For example: If you give me a hug and to YOU that means "I sure do appreciate you" but you've never said those words to begin with- the action will have no meaning to me. It will be just another hug and I will be left feeling as though I'm not appreciated. "Actions speak louder than words, when words have been said" is more accurate for me. I don't know why I'm writing a whole ranting post here, but I've heard the phrase so much lately and I don't have the best track record with people who throw it around but don't live by it. Now I'm certainly not saying that I am completely innocent. What I AM saying is that it feels like people can take the phrase for granted sometimes and forget that words are just as important when paired with what you do. Just like we've learned, the old saying "stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is not necessarily true- words can almost do more lasting damage- we must also learn that words carry meaning, and actions are the follow through. I'm not denying the strength of the phrase either, don't get me wrong, so to wrap up, here's a mental image for you: I'm serving a tennis ball, and I toss it up in the air and let it drop. Toss it up, let it drop. But I never bring the raquet down and hit the ball across the net. The anticipation is there, you WANT me to follow through and hit the ball, but I don't. I recognize the power behind the follow through, but without the initial toss into the air, the follow through would be rendered useless.

Seriously...

I know it can be therapeutic and all to cry and let out those emotions, but seriously... sometimes I get so frustrated. Why am I crying? What have *I* to cry about?? And why can't I stop crying? Goodness gracious, when I get started it just won't stop. And it can be triggered by as little as a bunny sneeze and will continue on because a thousand other things pop into mind along the way. I know why I started tonight...I think, but that's just as annoying. I know what started it, so logically, I should be able to shut it down. But nope. Water works it is. 

Sometimes, being a girl is just too overwhelming. Seriously.