Two weeks ago I went down to Des Moines for the Petersen wedding. On that Friday, I went to Lasting Impressions down in the East Village and I got this guy done. It's an albatross and it has a pretty significant story to it.
There's a phrase that says "there's an albatross around your neck" and it means that you carry all of your regrets and worries and everything else with you to the point where it weighs you down. The albatross is often depicted to be dead, and so if you think about it, you're carrying this dead weight around your neck, and for what purpose? So then there's this song, this amazing song that speaks to my heart. You've probably heard of Bastille, they sing a very popular song on the radio called Pompeii. Just as a shameless plug here, the album that these two songs come off of- Bad Blood- it's fabulous. I highly recommend it. So the song- it's called The Weight of Living (pt.1) and the whole point of this song it to talk about letting go of your albatross. Within the first few lines it says "Can you carry it with no regrets? Can you stand the person, you've become?" and that always hits me. Because no, I can't. I can't carry this weight with me and I can't stand the person I've become. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed of myself on a daily basis. Later in the song a phrase is repeated, "it's the sun in your eyes," and this part means a couple things for me. In the middle of my depression, on my darkest days, when I literally step outside and see the sun, my spirits are lifted. I am reminded that life goes on, that the sun will still shine. But the song talks about letting go and earlier in the verse it says "though it's soaring still above your head, it is out of sight and none shall see." So you're letting this bird go, and though it still flies above you, it's out of sight and out of mind. But then you start searching for it in the sky.I don't know how many people with depression find it as easy as I do to run back to it. When days are hard, I want so badly to just fall into the unfeeling black hole. There are days when I search it out because sometimes it's easier to feel blah and float through days than to fight every step of the way to be positive and happy. So I see it as this- you let your bird go, but you miss it on some level. So you're searching, searching, but all that you see is the sun. And the sun reminds you that life goes on. That things will be okay. That it is alright to let the albatross go. And that's why I got this guy on my arm. He's somewhere that I can see him every single day and he reminds me to let it go (not a Frozen reference). He reminds me that it's okay to shed the weight.
"When you just can't stand the heavy weight of living..."
