It's amazing how quickly these things can get burned out. Since last Wednesday, we've been talking and flirting. I've seen him almost every day since then too. We sat outside and talked until 3 am on Saturday, and he helped me move yesterday.
Things were fine, until they weren't. We went on a "date" to Hickory Park, but it wasn't super great I guess. I told him everything that has been going on with my family, which isn't too crazy because I'm pretty open with it. But now every time he looks at me, it's like he expects me to crumble. I don't want anyone to look at me with eyes full of pity. I'm having a rough go of it now, but it'll certainly get better and there are others who are having an even worse time. And I'm a quiet person most times, especially when a lot is going on, but I think he takes that as me trying to hold it all together when it's just me meditating on stuff.
It's been easy to talk to Joey, but I don't think this is going to be something that works. I can just feel it. That's another thing- he makes plans. A lot of them. Quickly. And now I almost feel obligated to follow through with some of them.
This all makes me sick to my stomach, which is surprising because isn't this what I wanted? Someone who would look after me, be my escape. It's all just going so quickly. I want it to slow down, I wanted to be able to enjoy the little things, the newness. This feeling in my gut is almost the same as when I was with Mario and I knew it needed to end.
This is the bottom line- even if I wanted to be in a relationship, I'm not ready. I am not emotionally or spiritually available to have this kind of commitment. It just won't work.
It's been easy to talk to Joey, but I don't think this is going to be something that works. I can just feel it. That's another thing- he makes plans. A lot of them. Quickly. And now I almost feel obligated to follow through with some of them.
This all makes me sick to my stomach, which is surprising because isn't this what I wanted? Someone who would look after me, be my escape. It's all just going so quickly. I want it to slow down, I wanted to be able to enjoy the little things, the newness. This feeling in my gut is almost the same as when I was with Mario and I knew it needed to end.
This is the bottom line- even if I wanted to be in a relationship, I'm not ready. I am not emotionally or spiritually available to have this kind of commitment. It just won't work.
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