I can always tell when they're vying for my attention. Days when I wake up and I'm already on the verge of tears. Days when everything reminds me of something I've "lost." Notice I put that word in quotes, because sometimes it's not even something that I truly lost or even had in the first place. Days when my music does nothing to cheer me up and every little thing that I do seems to be a reminder of something from my past.
The Dark Passener, my Black Dog. He wants my attention. He NEEDS it to live. If I starve that dog, he becomes desperate.
I hate these days. Days when I feel strong are easy. Even days when I'm already down and out and I know my passenger has won are easier. But these days, where I'm in between. Where I know I can fall or fight are so hard. All I want to do is fall. I want to give in.
There is that small part that begs me to try, but oh how faint and weak that voice is.
Things on my mind today:
-my mom and dad; how things used to be
-my childhood and the old house
-Keaton and Ragbrai; it was an escape
-my choices- or lack thereof- regarding my major and schooling
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