I visited the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska today and I left feeling discouraged. I expected to go and have this great experience. I was excited to see the animals and to revisit a zoo I have only been to one other time in my life. Not to mention, this was going to be my first solo road trip. The trip itself went fine, no trouble, but while at the zoo I can't say that I had the best time. Maybe it was because I was by myself, I'm not sure. I can't shake the feeling though that I am disappointed in my experience today.
The thing that bugged me first and foremost was the lack of space that the big cats had. They each had a small indoor and outdoor enclosure, but it wasn't even remotely enough room to run around in. At least the Blank Park Zoo seems to accomplish that. Several of the cats were pacing and panting, signs of distress, and that didn't do much to boost my spirits. If it's one animal that I love to watch, it's the big cats, but seeing them upset is not how I want to observe them.
Another thing that got to me was the fact that I saw several keepers today, but not a single one looked happy to be doing their job. From my standpoint, I feel like I would be excited to work at a zoo, if I'm shoveling snow for the penguins or poop for the armadillos. I guess it was disheartening to see people in the position that I wanted to hold not enjoying themselves. And sure, I know not every day is going to be a good day, but of the 8 or so keepers I saw, not a single one looked to be in a good mood.
So now I'm home and I'm contemplating my choices again. I expected the zoo trip to set in stone one way or another- Yes, I absolutely want to do that for the rest of my life, or No way, that's definitely not for me and instead I've found myself stuck in the middle. I'm getting fed up with not having found a passion for something. Isn't that what college is for? "To find what you love to do and do it so well that someone pays you to do it." I don't know what I love to do! I thought I loved to work with children, I thought I loved to work with families, I thought I loved to work with animals. None of it seems to fit right. The science track is so hard for me that I wonder if I've even chosen the right path to take.
I sit here and I want to work with animals. I don't want to observe them or just be in their presence, I want to work with them. I want to train, feed, breed, and care for them. I've considered the vet career before, but not only is that at least 6 more years of school from this point, I think it's an unattainable goal for me. Like I said before, the science track is already so hard for me, and it would only be even more of that. On top of doing well in my classes, I would need recommendations and a good score on the GRE exam. These are things that I just don't feel are within my grasp. Maybe I'm not believing in myself enough, I don't know.
I do know that I need to make a decision pretty soon. I'm in the final weeks of my spring semester of my second year. Major changes after this point are going to add years to my schooling, if they haven't already. Just an example- if I chose to pursue the vet career, I have to receive a C or higher in the required classes for them to count towards my application. I can probably pull a C in the bio class I'm taking now, but if it's even a C-, I would have to retake the entire course and lab for it to count. That could set me back an entire semester or even a year if I struggle with enough classes. It's discouraging.
I'm not saying that I want to be a vet. I mean, I do. I have wanted to since I was a young girl, but I'm worried to make another snap decision. I'm nervous to even consider a career path that would involve even more hard work, time, and expenses.
"Well if you want something bad enough, you're going to have to just buckle down and push through." Yeah, I get that. Problem is, I don't know what I'm so passionate about that I will find the determination to push through for.
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