A Change is Gonna Come

Noah said something to me today that maybe I didn't really want to hear at the time, but the more that I think on it, the more I realize he has a point. 

I took the remainder of Fall semester off from school. I withdrew from the university and it's been a huge help. I'm not sure if I could have pulled through everything with the grades that I would have needed or feeling good about myself and the work that I have done. So today, Noah asked me what my goals were for a month from now, and I didn't have an answer. For so long, two and a half years, every semester has been about figuring out what I want or need to do with my life, and finally I have a moment to just live right now. I don't have to plan ahead, I can just work five days a week and take whatever is thrown at me in stride. But then, not having an answer worried me a little too- and made me feel slightly foolish. If I don't have goals, what is the purpose here? Why did I take a half semester and possibly a whole one to follow if I don't have goals to pursue?

Then he said the thing. And in the moment, I heard him and I was a little disappointed. He said to me "I want for you to go to school and get a degree, so that if something happens and we have to move, you have options other than just at HyVee." And for half a second, I thought "Hey. That's not fair. No one gets to tell me how to be prepared or be happy." But then the idea of not being happy and not being prepared got to me, and I started to wonder- what if I never figure it out? That's when he said the second thing. He told me that what makes you happy is what comes later. Right now, the goal is to get a job. Just push through, get it done. What you do from 9-5 is not what has to make your life whole. He mentioned that I want to be a mom, and that is what will fulfill me, but before that, I have to be ready to roll with the punches.

So at that time I was just nodding along and thinking "yeah yeah, says everyone else," but now that that has been stirring in my head all day, I wonder. And he might have a point. I am mildly interested in CAFS, and I have nearly the entire major completed. Why would I start over now? Why would I spend the money and time when I could just push through and finish this time in my life? 

College isn't for everyone, but one thing that I disagreed with Noah on was this- he said that no one likes going to class or doing the homework, but it's something that just has to be done. But I do. And I did! I liked to learn the material, and sure homework and tests weren't fun, but I enjoyed learning. I'm starting to think that this break will be what I need to recharge and power through my remaining year. I have only ever wanted to enjoy school, and I think I can do that. 

The pieces fell into place before, and they will again. I will end up exactly where I'm supposed to be, when I'm supposed to be there. I certainly have to believe that, after everything.