To Be Like You

"Oh to be like You, give all I have just to know You."
I got to see how my choices have been affecting someone last night. On Saturday night I hung out with some friends, and we had the intention of going to a party, but it was cancelled last minute. My roommate hung out for a bit, but left pretty quickly. She shared with me that she felt pretty out of place, and even judged that she wasn't drinking and I immediately was reminded of when I had felt the same way. Some pretty stupid stuff happened while we were all hanging out, the kind of stuff that's funny at the time, but that someone would probably regret in the morning. After sharing what some of our friends had done, my roommate shared with me again that she doesn't understand why they all do that(drink), that she doesn't understand the joy they find in it. She told me she doesn't understand why they can't seem to have fun without it. As she was talking, I realized that I used to share those same thoughts. Going into this fall, I kept assuring her and telling her to share with her parents that I don't drink, I don't do stupid things. Now here I am, the first weekend back from break, right in the middle of it all again. And this time, I've thrown my roommate and friend under the bus. I've chipped away at our friendship and her trust with my actions- drinking and participating in the parties. I've left her to stand alone in a crowd, this girl who looks to me as a Christian. I think about myself, and how I must look from the outside. I blend in pretty well I would say, and that's something I am not called to do. I am called to be in the world, but not of the world. I am called to be the one standing alone for Christ. What impact can I make when I blend so well?
So here we were last night, Rose telling me that she felt cast out by our friends, and indirectly telling me that I was failing as a model for Christ- something that I already knew, but apparently still isn't sinking in. And maybe because I haven't been able to see tangible damage. I know what it must be doing to myself, but I haven't seen it hurt anyone else up until this point. And maybe because I care about my relationship with Rose. I don't want to stop being the role model of Christ to her. I don't want her to become one more person who thinks all Christian's are hypocritical.