I tracked a bit over the holiday weekend, enough to get the general idea of what I ate and to keep my streak, but Tuesday I got back to actually staying within a budget. I also lowered my calories by 150, down to 1650 total each day. I did this to help some of the holiday weight drop back off and because I want to see some bigger change overall. I still haven't been moving much, as the weather has been pretty humid or rainy most days, so I needed to make a bigger dent in those calories somewhere.
This week I've had over those 1650 calories every day with small snacks, putting me reliably in the 1700 range. However, I think this is mostly because we didn't go grocery shopping this week, so I am throwing stuff together for meals each day without much of a plan which leaves me room to make choices that I might not make if I had a healthier option available. I know I am also fighting against the urge to binge a bit. I did not ever eat so much that I made myself sick at the lake, but I also didn't track each bite, and that freedom gave me a nice little high.
I know that sounds bad, like maybe I'm restricting myself too much and thats why I'm feeling "free" from eating whatever I want. But thats not what I mean. What I'm working against isn't like "Oh my god, just let me have what I want!" Instead it's "Oh my god, I'm gonna eat this whole kitchen because I can!" It's an urge to binge through my whole fridge and cabinets just because I can, one that has been curbed for nearly a whole month from tracking and planning my meals.
I feel good about where I'm at right now. Today will be 30 days of tracking my meals and calories, and that's the longest I've ever gone! I feel a great sense of accomplishment and I know that I have the power to do so much more. I want to see more movement on the scale because right now, I know that seeing that number go down means fat loss. I'm not working out or weight lifting, so it's not fat to muscle conversion. If I want to see change in my body I need to kick it up a notch, and I know I have the strength and willpower to do it.
I have 10 weeks before B & A's wedding, which means even at a slow loss, I can still expect to be under 200 lbs by the time of the wedding. There is a weekend coming up for my company outing where I expect to eat and drink more than usual, and there is one day in August slated for the state fair. Those two days aside, I am ready to buckle down and power through summer with the most determination yet.
Beginning this weekend, I will be adding a walk for most days. I have to start moving my body, because even if it doesn't have any effect on the weight loss, I know that it makes me feel good. I will keep my caloric goal at 1650 for now, with the buffer of up to 1800 on days that I get my movement in. The app might not accurately reflect that much change and flexibility, but I know what works for me, and honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.
With this week's grocery haul, I also want to start swapping out more treats for fruit, veg, and grains. I've been eating whatever I want within my calories which is great, but I also want to start fueling my body with better sources of energy. Instead of chips for snacks, I want to have veggies and dip on standby. Instead of a fruit roll-up, I want to have an apple. More whole grain pasta when I can. I'll start with snack swaps 4-5 times per week, and then move into my meals. No major changes overnight!
September 17 is my current goal marker. That is what I'm reaching for, and working toward. Early Fall, and I want to be down 15lbs from my highest weight to date. I've seen the scale sit around 208-210 for a while now, so only coming down below 200 doesn't feel like much. I know I won't look very different only 8 lbs from now. But when I think about being at 215 several months ago, that is a much bigger achievement, something I can be proud of and mark as a milestone. I will keep pushing and I will be strong and healthy and confident!
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