Back To School!

 While I know that the first of the year was two weeks ago, something about today feels more like the beginning of my new year than any other. Today is the very last "First Day of School" I will probably ever have! We are officially in the home stretch, there are only 117 days between me and graduation day, and while I won't get my diploma until after the summer and my internship are over, that is my mark: 117 days until I walk across the stage and finally, finally, can say that I am a college graduate. I honestly didn't know for a while there if this day would come any time soon for me. My journey has been far from conventional, and I thought I would talk about it here today, so that maybe someone else out there could feel a little more comfortable if their college experience does not look like the typical cookie-cutter "four year plan."

During my senior year of high school there was a huge push for everyone to go to college. I went to one of the lower income high schools in the Des Moines district, so of course one of their goals was to increase the number of students that they sent off to higher education. Many students were directed to our local community college, while others were encouraged to pursue education at state schools and larger universities. I fell into the second category, and I can say with 100% certainty that going to the community college for a couple of years to attain an Associate's degree was never offered as an option for me. I heard things like, "You'll do great things! What university are you going to?" and "DMACC is usually for people who don't know what they want to do, or people who leave high school without the best grades, you can shoot so much higher!" I know these things were not said to cut those down who ended up at DMACC, and rather to push me to get my four year degree right away.

I found a private school in northern Iowa called Dordt College that I truly fell in love with, but due to their private school costs, I was unable to attend. In March 2012, only 2 months from graduation, I still did not have a school I wanted to go to. I remember that my mom and I went on a campus visit to the University of Northern Iowa, one of the big three state schools in my home state. I was pretty sure I wanted to go to a small college, and they were one of my last options. It wasn't their fault, I'm sure their campus and their university are wonderful, but the day we went was a cold and rainy spring day and quite honestly, it was miserable. I did not enjoy the hour we spent walking around and as we left Cedar Falls, I was downtrodden. All of my friends were getting acceptance letters, and I still hadn't even applied anywhere. On our way home, my mom asked if I wanted to just drive around the Iowa State campus. She is an alum, and it was on our way. I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it because in my mind, the campus was spread out and huge, and I wanted something small and compact. I was intimidated, but I said yes anyway. By the time we were in Ames, the day had turned warm and sunny, and all of the spring colors were bright and vibrant. Iowa State has an absolutely gorgeous campus, and as we drove around in the car and my mom pointed out the buildings she used to have classes in, I began to see myself walking to classes and being a student here as well. By the time we were home, I had decided to apply.

I applied to a small handful of schools, but Iowa State was the one I was the most excited about. The day my acceptance letter arrived only a couple of weeks later, I was overjoyed. I was going to be a Cyclone! I lucked out on that spring day in March, and I'll forever be grateful that my mom offered to drive us around. I never had an official campus tour like most students, but that day was enough. I was excited to start school, this was my chance to learn because I wanted to, not because I was being told to. I did well in high school, and I graduated in the top 15% of my class of 206 students. High school was easy for me, but because I wasn't challenged much by my secondary education, I entered into college at a disadvantage. I didn't know how to study, the skills just weren't there. I struggled for the first couple of years to find a way to succeed in my classes, and to be honest: I still do. I am not excellent at studying, and I do not know the most effective way for me to learn. I take notes, and review them, and create flashcards and study guides but time after time, I just don't test well. This has been one of the largest hurdles I experienced here at Iowa State, but it has been far from the last.

I did luck out in one of the most wonderful ways my freshman year with my roommate. I know many people who were not so fortunate to find someone so great, or perhaps they were paired randomly (something I was terrified of). Kelsey and I went to high school together and we were even on the tennis team together, but we weren't terribly close. We were friendly, but I wouldn't say close friends. I think most people can probably say one of two things about their first college roommate: either you just don't click, or you form an incredible bond and find a new friend. Some of those friendships might dwindle as the years go by, but luckily for me, Kelsey and I have only grown closer together over the last seven years. We found common ground in our terrible dorm, Wallace Hall, and our old souls- we would much rather sit and watch The Office while we crochet than go out and find a party.

The Wallace/Wilson Residence Halls circa 1969

We had many college firsts together, we shared highs and lows, and at the end of our freshman year, we were both sad to be leaving one another. Two years later, we got our very first apartment together. I haven't lived with Kelsey now for almost five years, and we don't get to see one another on a regular basis, but we will always share those wonderful memories together and we always pick up right where we left off when we get back together. Plus, I think I'm still finding her ridiculously long and abundant hairs on my belongings! :)

I came into Iowa State as an Early Childhood Education major. It was a four year program that would have prepared me to teach fourth grade and younger, with a focus on children with special education needs. I loved my advisor, and I think I could have really enjoyed the major if I had stuck with it, but I thought I didn't have what it took to be a teacher after only one semester. I was intimidated because those first few classes were difficult, and they jumped right into the content I would one day be teaching. I was too scared to reach out for help, so I changed my major to Child, Adult, and Family Services, which basically breaks down to Social Work. Going into college, I was certain that I wanted to work with children and families, and I figured this was a close alternative. I can say, seven years later, I am still not sure what I'm really interested in career wise. I really do enjoy working with kids, but I also love animals and being outdoors, and I love planning events and seeing them come together. I like history, and art, and biology, and other topics that could have all been exciting and fulfilling as full-fledged majors. I have found myself wishing often that I had come into Iowa State open-option, or without a major declared, but in that same vein I think it would have changed everything dramatically, and I wouldn't give up any of the experiences I have had because of the path I've been on.

I joined a sorority in the Fall of my Sophomore year, Phi Beta Chi, and became more social and
active on campus. I met some wonderful people who I am still very close to, and I had some amazing experiences through the Greek community here at Iowa State. In the Spring of that same academic year, I changed my major to Animal Ecology with the hopes of graduating and being qualified to work at a zoo- probably the closest I've ever been to completing a major with a career in mind at the end. I also started therapy through the university that semester following a severe depressive episode. It was during the Fall semester of my Junior year that I decided I needed a break. I was completely uninterested in the content of my major which I had changed back to social work after I felt as though I was not smart enough to follow through with Animal Ecology. I was not doing well academically because of it, and I was feeling very trapped, as if everything were out of my control. I withdrew from the university, and at the time, I felt relieved. I also felt like a failure though, a nagging feeling at the back of my mind, because here were all of my friends and my boyfriend at the time finishing their semesters and moving forward, and I has essentially frozen myself in time. Why couldn't I just be happy and push through? I asked myself this question many times over. I also worked full time hours for the first time in my life during that period and quickly realized that I didn't want to work at a grocery store for the rest of my life. I wanted to become someone. I had a new fire in my belly, and I wanted to return to school. However, I found out that because my grades had been so low upon withdrawal, I had to wait until the following Fall to register for classes once more, which put me out of school until August of 2015. 11 months of 40 hours per week working at the local HyVee and wishing so badly that I had never quit school. This was one of the hardest times for me not only academically, but mentally as well.

When I could finally return to school, I was overjoyed. I didn't care that I was a year behind my peers, I was determined to finish school for real this time and put all of this behind me. That was until Disney happened. I applied for my first college program the day the applications dropped on that first Monday of the semester. I had done a phone interview by Friday, and while I did not really expect to get in, I was excited at the potential idea of working for Disney World. I struggled through that semester mentally when my boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly that same weekend, but as if the Universe knew I needed a fresh start, I was accepted into the Disney College Program for the first time in November of 2015. I traveled to Orlando, Florida by myself with luggage in tow (you can read about my first day and other memories here) to complete what would be a life-changing internship working in the parking lot at the Magic Kingdom. I came back to Iowa at the end of the summer of 2016, brokenhearted and longing to go back. I completed one more semester of school at Iowa State, what I thought was going to be my senior year. I was determined to graduate in the Spring of 2017 and move down to Florida to live out my dream as a bonafide Walt Disney World cast member. As it turned out, that wasn't in the cards for me, but something much more wonderful was just around the corner. I had to withdraw from the university for a second time at the end of that semester because I did not have the money to pay off my tuition that had not been covered by financial aid. I spent those next several months nannying for a friend's little sister and longing to be back in sunny Florida. I applied for my second college program in January of that year, trusting that if I got to go back, it would be the sign I was looking for. If I didn't get in, I would stay in Iowa and, maybe a little begrudgingly, finish my degree. In February, after only waiting a few weeks, I was accepted once again. I was more than happy, I was elated. It felt like everything was finally falling into place, a feeling I had not experienced throughout my entire college experience. I left for Orlando once again in May, with the thought that I was moving, and would come home when I felt as though my time there was done.

As you may have been able to guess, I did come back home once more at the end of that program and I was even more devastated than before. I drove back to Iowa with the help of Kelsey, and worried the whole time that I had made the wrong decision. I had found my passion at Disney the second time around- I had learned that I loved the environment and I wanted to work with animals. I knew at my core, the thing that would make me the most happy was to be working with and for nature and all it holds. However it all worked together, I finally knew the direction I wanted my life to take. I was faced with a decision while I was there: return to Iowa and finish my degree at ISU, and potentially move back for the third time following graduation, or stay there working part-time hours for minimum wage and not complete my degree for an unknown amount of time. I wanted to finish school, I really did, and I wanted to finish it at Iowa State. I wanted to be a Cyclone forever, I didn't want to transfer, and I missed my family terribly. The first few months of 2018 were hard, and I wondered daily if I would ever get to return to Disney and actually do what I wanted without the guilt of an unfinished degree looming over me. I knew if I could just make it to the start of the Fall semester, I would have more to worry about than missing Disney, and I was right. I had decided that I wanted to minor in Event Management, and even though I had changed my major again at the beginning of the year to Anthropology, a degree that would have added an additional three years to my remaining total, I was back to Social Work before September. For those of you not keeping track at home, that is a total of five major changes. It's no wonder I've been taking classes for seven years.

Last semester the majority of my academic content was based around that Event Management minor, and this semester I will be finishing up the last of my core classes for the social work major. I enjoyed my classes last Fall, and now as I face the Spring, I am even more inspired. I am ready to finish strong, and I am ready to be finished period. I have faced various financial crises leading up to this moment, the most recent of which happened just weeks ago, but it all seems to be coming down to these last 117 days and what I make of them. There should be no more financial barriers, there is no need for me to take any more time off from school, and barring some terrible mishap where I fail all of my classes, I will be walking across that stage on May 11, and finally putting this whole thing behind me.

This will be my biggest accomplishment, and while it has taken me seven years to get to this point, I am so thankful for the experience. It has been hard, frustrating, and even devastating at times. I have been joyful and sorrowful, and I have wondered more times than I can count why this was my path while others seemed to sail through. If you made it this far with me, thank you. I know this was a long post, but it's been a long journey. I have adored Iowa State as a campus and as a whole. There have certainly been times, especially as of late, where I felt as thought I may have fallen through the cracks, but I love Ames, and I will always find that this place feels like home. I am so excited to be graduating as a Cyclone in just a few short months and what my college experience lacked in potential stability, it bursted with school spirit and an overwhelming sense of community. I will miss walking on campus between classes with the 36,000 other students that call this place home, and I will miss seeing the seasons change here on campus, but I know that I will always look back on this time in my life with fondness. I do not feel shameful that my journey took me this long, but I do I feel so thankful that it has made me who I am right this second. Without the heartbreak and without the trials, I wouldn't be this version of me, and I wouldn't trade any of it for a moment.

Always,
Effie